Glitter Fail: 2011 Oscars

Like the movie geek I am, I look forward to watching the Oscars every year. That said, this year was a huge disappointment. I had high hopes for the James Franco/Anne Hathaway host pairing but those hopes were quickly dashed. I can't remember a more boring couple of hours, highlighted by awful speeches and absolutely no funny moments. I knew this was going to go badly even before it started, when I saw Ann's Valentino dress prior to the opening.

Nice dress, you might say. However, I've seen it before: it was nearly the same dress my daughter-in-law got married in last October, and it looked better on the bride. Valentino looked like a fossil, and clearly he hasn't gotten out much lately.

Moving on. The entire show was pockmarked by moments like these:

•  Melissa Leo's acceptance speech, where she had to say fucking, which got bleeped. Apparently playing a white trash mom wasn't much of a stretch for her, which I suspected.  Don't you hate it when someone who knows they're going to win acts like it's such a shock? Oh please.
• Another supremely boring speech from Natalie Portman, who needs either an editor or duct tape.
• Christian Bale's hyped up accent, which sounded Australian, and yes I know he's British. Seemed to forget his wife's  name, too.
• Having to listen to Florence minus the machine, who inevitably sings off-key live.
• Uninspired "jokes", stale and staler
• James Franco looked as though every time he went backstage, he toked up again
• An old video of Bob Hope, whose lines were better than any heard from a host last night.
• The closing moment of a school choir from New York. OK, sweet and all, but when that was the best they could come with in terms of musical entertainment (and it was), yikes.

Come on, Hollywood. You can do better. Much better. There were actually some decent movies this year, let's showcase this properly. Next year, Ricky Gervais, or at least Alec Baldwin/Steve Martin. That would be worth watching.  Entertain me, you know how and you know this stunk.